Walkies
Walkies something for dogs. Fury fools hears "WALKIES" and jump up and down all excited to get dragged up and down the sidewalk - forced to crap out in public and have those crazy humans pick it up and save it in baggies like some treasure or somewhot! Discusting!
All cats essentally lazy and just as soon sleep most of the time anyhow. Enuff walkies for me is from my blanket to the food dish and back whot seems some days like a safari or somewhot! Unfortunatly the Old Fart never had a dog but like all humans seem to need to drag some kind of poor animal along with them wherever theys goes. Old Fart no exeption. When he needs to go down to the cornor store for some milk or comic or somewhot if I am not making myself scarce he wagging his tongue "WALKIES, WALKIES, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH" and I find myself co-hersed into dragging my butt behind him all the way there and back. Most fortunately he neglected to bring the baggies so any expetation that I crap on command never arises and I's is left free to conduct such stuff elsewhere! Plod, plod, plod behind the Old Fart as he shuffles intermably along in his slippers leaving yours trewly to bring up the rear burning my paw pads on the sidewalk in summer or worse yet getting them wet in winter if it snows I simply refuse to leave the house at all. Uncivilized passtime in any case. Walkies is foolishniss for all dogs which are stupid anyhow so can't appreciate the finer things in life like sleeping all day and only visiting the litter box when it is impossible to avoid the effort. But the Old Fart needs me and so I am forced to continue the trips and lead him home agane otherwise he might get lost and never return. I suppose it is a small price to pay for bed and breakfast and that least if I plays the part the Old Fart will forbear to get a fat stinky dog to replace me!
visit more cat: www.mrgrantscat.com
Spyware/Adware Remover
Spyware Detection & Removal
New Anti Spyware Technology
The Feline Gourmand
Given that cats can't be choosers I got poor choice of dietary rekuirements while resident with the Old Fart. Stupid humans think all cats the same and that none of us knows the difference between good grub or bad and don't much care anyhow! While they stuff their gobs with all manner of de-lectable stuff they think nothing of plopping a spoonful of crap in our food bowls before returning to the dinner table full of good stuff! I make the mistake of acktually eating some kitty dreck while the Old Fart was still in the kitchen. The fool assumed I partickularely liked the taste cause he ran out and bought a life time supply of kitty dreck in a drum and now I is perpetually stuck with the same stuff nite after nite. Who know whot stuff they put in there anyhow. Whot they think they trik us with a sprinkle of seafood flavour or whotever. Only meens they carried the drums out of the factory past a fish or somewhot. Seafood my furry blue butt!!
Fortunattly the Old Fart often drink a beer too many during dinner on front of the TV and fall asleep with his dinner tray on front of him. I especialy like the steak and fries. The Old Fart wake up much later and find all the steak and fries gone but can't remember if he ate it or not. Har! Har! Thusly I can vary my dinner menu from time to time while at the same time save the fat old bugger from the excess colesteral fatts and other bad stuff! Tho I do like most things however I can warn all other kittys to avoid the chili! After all these years suffering from the after effects of chili dinners at the hand of the Old Fart - did I say hands - whotever, the burning blue farts that is the inevitable results of chili dinners is bad enuff when the Old Fart is firing them off - but when it is one self committing the crime, you can not run away and are stuk with the stench wherever you try to hide. Chili most good but after effects to be avoided at all costs. Other hot stuff the same but necessary to sample whotever is available cause lives of all cats offer few oppertunitys to sample fine cuisine and we must take advantage when we can. In the interim there is the kitty dreck and the water bowl. Oh well things could be worse and if the Old Fart eats Mexican agane tonite it certanely will be!
PS - If you must sample the chili then try the beer too!
The Mysteryous Disappearance of Pookum (barf! barf!)
It was a dark and stormy nite - the nite Mrs Ruzniki's poodle Pookums disappear never to be seen agane by anybody alive! The bird say here dark and stormy nite is a kleeshae of the most awefull type, but what is good enuff for the likes of Vincent Price is truely good enufe for beginning my storey. Besides why is dark and stormy nite a bad thing while naming your poodle Pookums, Pookie or Pookie Wookey and such stuff that make me wretch and puke up my kitty dreck, not most truly revolting. Nobody tell Mrs Ruzniki to call the fuzzy rat Leopold or Ferdinand or some such other fat name as those!
Anyhow it was in fact a plessant summer evening but this an inappropriate beginning for a mysterie or horror story. Did I say horror - well maybe getting rid of Pookums (wretch, wretch) seem more like and uplifting good type story! - but I digress!
The fuzzy rat bark continously, crap on the Old Farts' doorstep and genuinely annoy and otherwise piss me off! Good ridance fuzzy rat dog!
In any case when he disappeare a grate mysterie start and little did I know what I would be named the chief suspekt and face the chair for my crimes! ! !
Ruzniki claim she last saw Pookums (gag, gag) playing alone in his own back yard. But if the fuzzy rat was alone how come she know he is alone if she was there and what he was doing while he was alone. My own suspicions were arroused by her story which no detective would akcept on the face of it! I suspekt Mrs Ruzniki right away after such statements full of holes but I kept my suspichions to myself at first but when I am fingered no one would listen to me! Only need to look at the evil old lady to know she hate all cats and that she desperate to pin the crime on me! Yes I know Pookums (ack, ack) runing about and bark, bark an such, making an unholy din annoying everone but most especialy me! But no one ever see me at the crime scene and so can hardly think me responsible. In any case barking go on incessantly and when suddenly stopped, alert evil Ruzniki that fuzzy rat is gone!
.........to be continued.........................................................
visit more cat: www.mrgrantscat.com
SEX - Rears it's ugly head! ! !
One of my girlfriend is a sexy kitty what name is Ravenous and what of I am heartilly afrade! When she catch me and have her evil ways with me I cry and pleed but to no avail. In any case whole sex thing seems hardly worth the effort for Ravenous is most selfish lover. Even what I take is less than a minute of her time she continually complain she is not finished yet. Most greedy for her own pleezure but later when inevitable happen and road muffins show up - she quick to blame me for the whole thing! I am forced to hide but when they catch me I deny deny so the Old Fart not cut off my privlidges!!! cause he forced to find homes for all the road muffins - mostly what get run over by buses and such so deserve their nickname anyway! The whole sex thing seems highly overated and not nearly so satistying as popcorn and a good movie with long nap after on the couch! In my philosophie for a good life sex seem sumewhat supperflewous!
I include here for your consideration a few examples of the Darwinian extinctionisms of surplus road muffins!
come and vistit me at: www.mrgrantscat.com
Burn The Fat, Feed The Muscle
Fat Loss
Acne Free In 3 Days
